Burning Bridges: The Art of How Not to Leave
March 1st 2007 05:33
Here's a tip from one trendy traveler to the next, the hardest part is leaving. Especially when you're leaving heaps of people behind. That's not really an excuse for bad behaviour, however, so before you decide to jet off on a holiday, an extended world traveling tour, or a permenant move, I suggest you contemplate what kind of "leaver" you want to be. Those last few weeks in your old location can change a lot of things if you're not careful. You could, in the space of moments, go from a dear friend to a despised enemy.
Pushing Away
Everyone does it they say. Some sort of defense mechanism we have in place to make leaving easier. Maybe it is unavoidable but that doesn't mean you have to let it take control. If you feel yourself pushing people away, people who have been nothing but kind and wonderful to you STOP YOURSELF. A little self-reflection, my friends, will go a long way. Are you really all of a sudden angry and incompatible with the people who have been your closest friends or is it possible you're creating crevices the you can exploit, turn into chasms, and leave--feeling as though you're not leaving anything good anyway?
Picking Fights
Are you normally an easy going person? Do people always comment on how friendly, relaxed, not fussed you are about life and the daily hassles that confront us all. Is that changing? Do you feel yourself picking fights, fighting over the elusive "principle of the matter" making decisions that you've never made before? Are you noticing that your friends are a bit testy, a bit short, a bit of a BIG pain in the ass? Have you contemplated that maybe its you and not them?
Tug-o-War
Are you vacilating? Sometimes feeling incredible, overwhelming urges to be close, to protect the friendships you've worked so hard at, wanting to let the little things go, let the friendship heal? Are you constantly making overtures that draw your friends in only to feel smothered and need to push them away again? Are you threatening your relationships with your inconsistency and your own sadness?
Burdened
Everyone you know all of a sudden wants you to eat lunch, have coffee, have dinner, come for a drink. Everyone you know wants to do these things all the time and you find that the friendships that once felt comforting, the invites that once seemed managable are burdensome and draining. You're exhausted. Don't know how many times you can reiterate that you're sad to leave, that you've enjoyed your time here. Are peoples gracious offers of thanks for the time you've spent with them, the job you've done for them, the impact you've had on them causing you to feel as though you're being strangled? Are you positive you can't breathe with the weight of the responsibiliy of so much appreciation? Are you lashing out at the kindness of your loved ones because it would be easier to leave if no one was sad to see you go?
Don't get me wrong, we've all been there. Leaving is one of those things I do far too often. I'm not good at it, i don't like it, and it is ALWAYS the hardest part of my journey. But its good to remember that there is a good way to leave and a bad way. You never know where journeys will take you, when you'll end up home again, when you will find yourself settled and wishing you could call home for a comforting voice on the other end of the line. It only feels easier to leave having no one missing you, no one pulling you back. It feels easier but its not. It leave a lot of hearts (your own included) bruised and battered on the path. They say you can't go home again and they might be right. But if you burn every bridge that leads you back you've got no chance to find out. The trendy traveler lets the burden rest on themselves. Burdened or not they keep their destructive urges at bay so that there is always a road home paved with friends and lovers who long for your return
Pushing Away
Everyone does it they say. Some sort of defense mechanism we have in place to make leaving easier. Maybe it is unavoidable but that doesn't mean you have to let it take control. If you feel yourself pushing people away, people who have been nothing but kind and wonderful to you STOP YOURSELF. A little self-reflection, my friends, will go a long way. Are you really all of a sudden angry and incompatible with the people who have been your closest friends or is it possible you're creating crevices the you can exploit, turn into chasms, and leave--feeling as though you're not leaving anything good anyway?
Picking Fights
Are you normally an easy going person? Do people always comment on how friendly, relaxed, not fussed you are about life and the daily hassles that confront us all. Is that changing? Do you feel yourself picking fights, fighting over the elusive "principle of the matter" making decisions that you've never made before? Are you noticing that your friends are a bit testy, a bit short, a bit of a BIG pain in the ass? Have you contemplated that maybe its you and not them?
Tug-o-War
Are you vacilating? Sometimes feeling incredible, overwhelming urges to be close, to protect the friendships you've worked so hard at, wanting to let the little things go, let the friendship heal? Are you constantly making overtures that draw your friends in only to feel smothered and need to push them away again? Are you threatening your relationships with your inconsistency and your own sadness?
Burdened
Everyone you know all of a sudden wants you to eat lunch, have coffee, have dinner, come for a drink. Everyone you know wants to do these things all the time and you find that the friendships that once felt comforting, the invites that once seemed managable are burdensome and draining. You're exhausted. Don't know how many times you can reiterate that you're sad to leave, that you've enjoyed your time here. Are peoples gracious offers of thanks for the time you've spent with them, the job you've done for them, the impact you've had on them causing you to feel as though you're being strangled? Are you positive you can't breathe with the weight of the responsibiliy of so much appreciation? Are you lashing out at the kindness of your loved ones because it would be easier to leave if no one was sad to see you go?
Don't get me wrong, we've all been there. Leaving is one of those things I do far too often. I'm not good at it, i don't like it, and it is ALWAYS the hardest part of my journey. But its good to remember that there is a good way to leave and a bad way. You never know where journeys will take you, when you'll end up home again, when you will find yourself settled and wishing you could call home for a comforting voice on the other end of the line. It only feels easier to leave having no one missing you, no one pulling you back. It feels easier but its not. It leave a lot of hearts (your own included) bruised and battered on the path. They say you can't go home again and they might be right. But if you burn every bridge that leads you back you've got no chance to find out. The trendy traveler lets the burden rest on themselves. Burdened or not they keep their destructive urges at bay so that there is always a road home paved with friends and lovers who long for your return
| 29 |
| Vote |
