Table for One
November 28th 2006 00:42
I am fascinated by people who sit in resteraunts by themselves looking cool, calm, collected, and totally unfazed.
I am not one of those people, probably never will be. Time to myself is not something that has ever been a prominent feature of my desires. Its hard to say why this is. For the most part I don't mind vegging out in front of the TV, or watching a movie and not speaking much to the people around me. Time to myself occassionally, even feels nice. But not time hanging out in public by myself.
It must be a weird insecurity. I have heaps of friends, good friends too, not just people who I occassionally call for drinks, or run in to unintentionally. I am friendly, leave bars having indulged in flirtation and usually with a number or two in toe (how self-congradulatory do i sound right now?!) But the point is this: despite whatever anyone else might see if they saw me, when I am alone in public I feel ALONE. Alone, like all those friends I have don't exist. This has always been a problem I suffer from. This inability to retain what is in the face of slightly daunting, albeit usually quite fleeting, circumstantial mom
Its like suffering from extremely limited short-term memory loss. How do you forget the existence of the people who have formed and shaped you? How could five minutes sitting alone in a cafe (probablly waiting for one of them to arrive) cause enough emotional distress that the denial of their very existence, or the at the very least a severe questioning of it, is produced and pondered? ents.
Its limiting (something I am never content to let my life be: limited). And as many of my friends are headed off on holiday travels with visiting friends and family, it is a skill I am acutely aware of lacking. The ability to enjoy time on ones own. The ability to be as friendly to the world around you when you stand with no one next to you. The ability to retain faith in the existence of the people, in fact, retain their importance, without desiring their constant proximity.
Like I said, I'm fasinated by these people. Find the ability more than a little trendy and am aiming to acquire the skill, A.S.A.P.
I am not one of those people, probably never will be. Time to myself is not something that has ever been a prominent feature of my desires. Its hard to say why this is. For the most part I don't mind vegging out in front of the TV, or watching a movie and not speaking much to the people around me. Time to myself occassionally, even feels nice. But not time hanging out in public by myself.
It must be a weird insecurity. I have heaps of friends, good friends too, not just people who I occassionally call for drinks, or run in to unintentionally. I am friendly, leave bars having indulged in flirtation and usually with a number or two in toe (how self-congradulatory do i sound right now?!) But the point is this: despite whatever anyone else might see if they saw me, when I am alone in public I feel ALONE. Alone, like all those friends I have don't exist. This has always been a problem I suffer from. This inability to retain what is in the face of slightly daunting, albeit usually quite fleeting, circumstantial mom
Its like suffering from extremely limited short-term memory loss. How do you forget the existence of the people who have formed and shaped you? How could five minutes sitting alone in a cafe (probablly waiting for one of them to arrive) cause enough emotional distress that the denial of their very existence, or the at the very least a severe questioning of it, is produced and pondered? ents.
Its limiting (something I am never content to let my life be: limited). And as many of my friends are headed off on holiday travels with visiting friends and family, it is a skill I am acutely aware of lacking. The ability to enjoy time on ones own. The ability to be as friendly to the world around you when you stand with no one next to you. The ability to retain faith in the existence of the people, in fact, retain their importance, without desiring their constant proximity.
Like I said, I'm fasinated by these people. Find the ability more than a little trendy and am aiming to acquire the skill, A.S.A.P.
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